Get Out!

As far as the use of old wives tales go in initiating labor, we have been unsuccessful in coaxing Lester out into the world. She or he seems happy with the current room and board and doesn’t seem in any rush to join us or to cooperate with my chemo schedule. The kid is already not listening to us. Ugh. Our first taste of parenthood.

So I think we are going to have to ratchet up the plan to get the baby out ASAP. Here’s what I am thinking…

Off-Road Driving: Later today Jacqui and I are renting an SUV and heading to the mountains for a few hours of off-road driving. No more comfort for little Lester. Time to make the outside a more attractive option.

Hot, Hot, Hot: They say that spicy food can induce labor? Later today Jacqui and I are headed to “The Hot Tamale” to feed Jacqui red savina chile peppers, which, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, are the hottest chile peppers known to man. Take that Lester!

Military Psy-Ops: A tried and true way to drive crazed fallen dictators and hostage takers out of their bunkers, the nonstop playing of loud, horrible music may, we’ve been told, also be a way to drive Lester out of his uterine hiding place. Playlist includes Perry Como, Zamphir Master of the Pan Flute, Eminem, and Christina Aguilera.

If these radical efforts do not work, I guess we’ll just have to resign ourselves to the fact that Lester is his or her own boss, that he or she won’t be coming home until the next day on prom night, and that when during his or her trip around the world after college all we’ll get is an occasional postcard.

4 thoughts on “Get Out!”

  1. Dear Jacqui and Michael, I’ve been keeping up with your progress (both pregancy and de-lymphomatization) and sending news along to the rest of the Balsam lab. We keep sending all our best wishes to you both!The last few weeks of pregnancy are Nature’s way of preparing you for labor and delivery! Sarah, too, had her own mind about when to arrive. Although the OB/GYN said she could remain happily inside for another 2 weeks, she must have taken my threats of self-induced c-section to heart – she was born the next morning. Can’t wait to see the photos of Lester on your blog. Happy Thanksgiving to you all – Kathleen


  2. If Jacqui winds up going in for an induction, my guess is that the first thing they’re going to do is give her suppositories of a hormone which is essentially synthetic semen. No I am not joking, check it out. I suggest getting busy.


  3. You gotta outpsych the bugger–the more you want his/her arrival, the more stubborn he/she will be about staying in (babies aren’t the only ones practicing for later in life). So, you need to decide that you want a few more weeks alone, schedule some nice lunch and movie dates, and your son or daughter will quickly rush to come out and ruin your plans. It’s a matter of staying one psychological step ahead of them…


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